WHO: Tootie
WHERE: Mrs. Garrett's Kitchen

Geez, it's so sad to see On Your Face go. I'll miss that talented trio more than Blaire, Jo and Natalie. I guess you have to take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life.

WHO: U.S. Marine Colonel Nathan R. Jessep
WHERE: After the Shock and Awesome verdict

Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. And those men with guns have to be entertained by Shock and Awesome. Shock and Awesome saves lives. Their existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You have no idea how to defend a nation. All you did was weaken a country today, Werewolf McButterbone. That's all you did. You put people in danger. Sweet dreams, son.

WHO: Jason
WHERE: Washington, DC

Cheat to Win didn't win the crown, but it won your hearts... bought your hearts... whatever! C2W for life!!

WHO: Mikael
WHERE: 4th Street

Anyone got a couple of bucks?

WHO: Philly
WHERE: Philly

One day, some day in the future, all from the District will band together behind their representative, as will also all who favor the love of brothers, and those two shall battle.

WHO: Daryl Strawberry
WHERE: The bottom of the barrel

I can't believe that Loki was defeated by a scripted show. Well, guess Cheat to Win says it all. After all, you don't really need to do improv to win an improv tournament, right? I love crack.

WHO: Joe Brack
WHERE: Yo'Mom's House

Unlike the rest of you cowards, I will post my real name in the SMACK talk arena. I am Joe Brack. LOKI is about to eradicate your faces, and lives!!!

WHO: Tyler's Mom
WHERE: Ohio

I want Shock and Awesome to win.

WHO: Tyler's Dad
WHERE: Also in Ohio

Quiet, woman.

WHO: Warren Harding
WHERE: Bolivia

I was the worst president ever. I was so ashamed of myself I had a body double killed and placed in my hotel room in San Francisco so the nation would think I was dead. I fled to South America where I have remained ever since, surviving on the life-giving nectars of secret native plants. Word has reached me of the improv of Shock and Awesome: Operation Freedom 'n' Fun (TM), and I am now so very extra ashamed of myself that I am going to go drown myself in Lake Titicaca and have my body buried in a garbage heap. I will miss you, Americans. I give you my apologies. And thank you, Shock and Awesome, for reminding me what America truly means.

WHO: J.C.
WHERE: Heaven, Right Hand of God

As part of the original Trilogy (no, not Star Wars, the other one) I just wanted to say that I'm glad The Trilogy is keeping my high standards intact. Soon the entire world will know of their glory and will worship them as they once worshipped me before the Beatles took my demographic away.

WHO: Charna Halpern
WHERE: Chicago, IL

While inventing Improv with Del Close in 1973, I had a premonition that one day, there would be a FISTing. I am glad that this has passed. Buy my book.

WHO: Jason
WHERE: your mom's house

Loki? more like joki!

WHO: K. Johnstone
WHERE: Canadia

It's too bad that Cheat to Win has to rely on girly little armbands.

WHO: Alice
WHERE: My Apartment

Mr. Johnstone, I take issue with your posting. One, Cheat to Win doesn't rely on objects to secure our success. We rely on our talent, charisma, and devastating good looks. And sometimes we cheat. Two, what we wear are not "armbands," as you call them; they are bracelets. Three, they are not "girly;" they are unisex. Four, they are not little. We just happen to have small wrists.

Alice

WHO: C. Halpern
WHERE: DC

I remember when improv legend Del Close once famously said that Loki was going to KICK CHEAT TO WIN'S ASS!

WHO: Baby Jessica
WHERE: another well

TBD improv is so bad, I jumped back in.

WHO: Josh
WHERE: Undisclosed Commissioner Bunker

A few noteworthy stats headed in to the first official round of competition:

Team that failed to do an exhibition round show and has not committed punctuation abortions on the Smack Talk Board, yet deserves their own bullet point in the interest of fairness: Loki

WHO: Tobor (alt. spelling: Tobar)
WHERE: Davidson County Fair

Tobor love Cheat to Win! Tobor kill the competition. Bee boo.

WHO: The Ghost of Del Close
WHERE: Purgatory

Boooo....oooooo.....[more scary ghost noises]....turn back now...The Trilogy cannot be defeated!!!.....where the [expletive deleted] can you get a cigarette in this place!? What? You can't talk to me like that! I'm the ghost of Del Close! Del [expletive deleted] CLOSE!!!! I invented improv, mother [expletive deleted]. Anyway, The Trilogy rules. And Ken, I know about your Barbie collection. So there.

WHO: Chuck Norris
WHERE: a tree

I am afraid of Superbest.

WHO: C2W
WHERE: WDC

Hey Loki! Looking forward to the showdown on Saturday night at 10:30! See you there!

WHO: Jane Fonda
WHERE: Mars

Kinetic Wellness will defeat childhood obesity, and all other improv teams in its path. Beware. It's gonna get physical.

WHO: Olivia Newton John
WHERE: Australia

Yeah! Let's get physical! You're the one that I love, Kinetic Wellness!

WHO: Amy Poehler
WHERE: NY, NY

I know, fact, that Loki has a secret weapon that is not to be reckoned with. Unless, of course, nudity isn't sanctioned practice of the F.I.S.T.ing's then no worries, reckon away. Fear it.

WHO: On Your Face
WHERE: F-Neck

I just really feel lucky to be apart of all this. Gosh, to be surrounded by so many wonderful improvisers, the burden to execute even adequate improvisation is certainly felt by me along with my colleagues. With that being said, good luck and have many spectacular, comedic, theatrical abortions.

WHO: N-Unit
WHERE: Better Than You

At night Ken dreams of being On Your Face. And everyone should count themselves lucky that On Your Face is participating (read: slumming) in the competition.

WHO: Zombie Anna Nicole Smith
WHERE: 6 Feet Under

Cheat to Win saved my life. Then Werewolf McButterbone killed me. Please give me cocaine.

WHO: Ken
WHERE: Arlington

Ghostrunners: Don't even pretend that your name is Trilogy - because it's not. Do yourself a favor and repeat your exhibition performance: bow out gracefully without embarrassing yourself with an actual performance. And speaking of embarrassing: Yo "On Your Face", the only thing that will be on your face is the shame of a first round exit.

WHO: Mandy Miracle of the Greater Wilmington Miracles
WHERE: Freedom's Womb

Steel yourself for a hosing of red, white, and blue. All over your face.

WHO: Bill Clinton
WHERE: Harlem, NYC

There is nothing more Patriotic than Cheat to Win. Seriously, folks. If you do not appreciate these three fine young Americans I hope you get hit with a Tsunami.

WHO: Crissy McCracken
WHERE: AMERICA

For what would you give up your freedom? Answer: NOTHING! That was a trick question! Get ready for Shock and Awesome: Operation Freedom n' Fun (TM) to wrap you in the flag and strangle you with AMERICA.

WHO: A patriot
WHERE: The heartland

If you love America, then you must come see SHOCK AND AWESOME: OPERATION FUN N' FREEDOM. Now is the time for all patriotic Americans to come together to support some really enthusiastic entertainers as they support our troops who are so valiantly supporting the Iraqi government as they build their own shining Democracy-Place on the hill (or in the desert, I guess). Mission: SUPER-Accomplished!

WHO: N-Unit
WHERE: Behind You

You won't be able to help the smile On Your Face, or the jealousy in your heart. You best recognize.

WHO: Amanda
WHERE: Winnersville

Like the blind date that turns into a torrid love affair...like the gentle itch that turns into a full-fledged rash... Loki overtakes you when you least expect it.

WHO: Well-known Improviser M. Napier
WHERE: Chicago, IL

I've heard very good things about Cheat to Win. Awesome things. And I have not been paid to say that.

WHO: God
WHERE: In a baby's tears

When I created Superbest, even I had no idea just how super-great they'd be (pun intended!).

WHO: The Man Left Alive
WHERE: Kuala Lumpur

I have heard stories of the "Three Brothers" of TBD. Separated at birth and sent to the furthest corners of the earth. They were raised by Monks, and trained in the deadly arts. One, who was banished to South America was taken under the tutelage of Mestre Bimba, and learned the ways of Capoeira Regional. The second was exiled to China and was taken in by Shaolin Monks and learned the ways of Zui Quan, or Drunken Fist Boxing. The third was sent to Europe, were Carthusian Monks took him in and trained him in Savate, or French Footfighting. In a dark, underground Fighting Club, the Three came face to face and realized their destiny, together. They formed a triumvirate with untold Powers, and a force the likes of which have never before been seen. I fear that any who oppose them shall be struck down without mercy or regret. Take heed of my advice. To run is not cowardly. From TBD, to run is very smart.

WHO: Topher
WHERE: Werewolk McButterbone

SuperBest is going down in FLAMES! Watch your back Werewolf McButterbone is breathing down your neck! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO...

WHO: Maj. Brian "Silver Bullet" Coleman
WHERE: The SuperFortDromeItadel

I've killed three werewolves already this morning, including my neighbor, my boss, and the one that sold me my breakfast bagel. You'll all just be a memory after my LEFT TRIGGER RIGHT TRIGGER Y maneuver.

WHO: Ninja Master Jordan
WHERE: Nowhere...and everywhere.

The Trilogy will ROCK YOUR FACE OFF! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!! (PS !!!!!!!)